CHAPTER 42

previously,

i lost majed and i lost my happiness. i tried to smile, i tried to pretend that i'm fine but i couldn't, i end up crying every day. its summer w i should be having the greatest time of my life, but i'm not. i set everyday on the beach thinking of him when i shouldn't... i gave mama my answer about faisal.








the first time mama asked me about my opinion about getting married i told her i don't want to. and after one and a half month i told her the same. she said its my life w law i don't want him its fine w i'm still young w mn hatha el 7ake...

my whole summer was about majed. only majed.

one of the mornings dana came to me.

dana: 9a7aite?

me: eewa

dana: we're going to spend the weekend 3end turki

me: meen el we?

dana: me w da7oom w haifa w salma w 7amoode w alya we're going to stay 3nd turki for couple of day

turki is my brother w ydres in L.A

me: umm ok have fun

dana: ok liin i'm not asking you, you're coming with us

me: ok whatever

dana: why you're doing this to yourself? 3ashan waa7d ma yestahel?

me: ...

dana: you know you're killing yourself ketha?

me: i'm already dead

dana: don't say that

me: why? law i didn't 7yrja3 majed?

dana: i tried to know aish elle 9aar between you two but you don't want to talk about it

me: 5ala9

dana: la2 you'll talk now

me: dana i don't know what happened law i knew kaan ketha 7aale now?

dana: ...

me: he left without even telling me what do you want me to say? how do you want me to be?

dana: ...

me: we were perfect wallah and i'm dying here not to know what happened

dana: come with us '3ayre jaw bs jaalsa hena all alone daaym its not fair for you

me: i don't want to

dana: lina, what your doing to yourself is not going to bring him back

me: ...

dana: so live your life, tell me if you change your mind

me: ...

i sat there thinking about him more and more and i actually got sick of it, i'm here thinking of him w he didn't even bother himself asking about me. i wanted to at least smile again like i used to so i called my brother.

turki: aloo

me: hi

turki: liiiiin hala hala

me: i miss you

turki: i just saw you two days ago

me: ok i don't miss you

turki: i miss you more lil sis *giggled*

i giggled.

turki: ha you're coming to spend the weekend 3nde

me: umm

turki: you sound different feek shy?

my relationship with my brother is different of any other relationship between two siblings, i tell him everything i never hide anything from him. i talk about hot guys, his friends 3aade lol bs i never told him that i'm with some guy and i don't think i can tell him something like that.

me: i'm fine bs i really missed you

turki: yalla then come to me

me: ok *giggled*

we talked b3dain he hanged up 3ashan his friends came over w i went to dana to tell her that i'm going with them. she jumped out the sofa and hugged me for no reason lol. i love her :p

we went to our room packed our stuff. my brother lives in an apartment in beverly hills. lama we drove off to my brother it was 5:00 pm, we should be there in 25 minutes bs we got stuck in the traffic :)

lama we arrived we stayed in the apartment. we wanted to go shopping bs everything ysaker at 6:00 pm so we went to some restaurant instead.

 its just perfect for shopping, i do need some shopping to have some fun with the girls.

me and the girls went to rodeo drive, we shopped the whole morning then we went back to my brother and my cousins. my brother wanted to do some shopping as well, so he asked me to go with him.

we were walking lama he asked me about faisal.

turki: kaif el jaam3a?

me: el 7mdelellah enta kaif your master?

turki: its not easy

me: allah ywafegek

turki: al7een you didn't tell

me: what?

turki: aish feek mt'3ayera?

me: i'm not

turki: you're my sister a3rf kaif kente

me: kaif?

turki: you used to laugh the whole time bs i didn't see that mn lama you came

me: you're wrong

turki: you used to be smiling without a reason kaman

me: ...

turki: what wrong? 3ashan elle metgadem lk?

me: ...

turki: etha because of that you don't have to think liin

me: we already answered them

turki: oh jd?

me: yea mama called them

turki: wafagte?

me: la2

turki: good for you taw 9'3eera ente

i smiled.

turki: 6ayb aish kaman m'9aaygk?

me: nothing turki

turki: i'm your brother you can tell me anything you want

i nodded.

i tried to act as normal as i could in front of him 3ashan ma y7s w i think i acted pretty good. i helped him to pick some shirts and stuff w he also bought me things to. i enjoyed my afternoon with him. he wanted to eat something so we went to some cafe w lama we sat on our table i told turki i'm going to wash my hand w i went to the restroom. few minutes later i turned back to our table w i saw him talking to some guy. he was talking to the guy w at the same time he was looking, smiling at me, i didn't want to look stupid standing all alone be3eed so i went to our table.

and guess who's the guy?

its salman. faisal's cousin.

turki: ha liin

i smiled and i looked down to my phone like if someone was talking to me lol.

salman: ok ajal ana a5leek al7een bs mer 3laina el yoom

turki: eewa enshallah b7aawl bs wallah my cousins w my sisters 3nde so i'll see law i can

salman: oh 3ethrk m3aak ajal yalla a5leekm

he smiled at me w i smiled back w i looked away 3ala6ool.

they said bye to each other.

turki: guess who's that?

me: umm meen?

turki: faisal's cousin

me: uha w kaif te3rfa?

turki: m3e fe el jaam3a

me: oh

what a small world.

turki got his snack lol w i got my coffee, we were talking about random stuff w he told me that his girlfriend is here law i want to meet her lol. they've been together for five years now. we talk about everything we don't hide anything from each other at all as you see bs i just felt awkward this time lama he talked about her.

dana called me to tell me that we're going to the cinema tonight so we went back to the apartment to get some rest. we actually didn't with all the laugh lol, my brother was trying his new clothes, he start making me laugh by doing his own fashion show. i actually laughed for real, it was a lot of fun with him. i missed him being around the whole time...

 he finished his fashion show lol o i went to my room to change my clothes.

lama we came to california i changed my sim card w i put my saudi sim card in another phone incase law majed called or texted me and i checked on my phone awal ma i got to the room w i saw a text message. my heart start pumping. could it be from him?

i unlocked my phone and i stared at the icon for about 2 minutes then i opened my inbox.



"hi lina kaifk? 3aash meen shaafk :p. umm anyway i just wanna say hi. have fun in L.A. sorry i disturbed you. -Salman"

i was actually surprised.

i looked into his message for a couple of minutes after that dana came.

dana: you're here

me: umm yea rja3na lama you texted me

dana: wain r7to?

me: umm we shopped

dana: oh bs?

me: umm guess who i saw today?

dana: who?

me: salman

dana: salman meen?

me: umm salman al-...

dana: your kidding

me: 9aa7b turki kaman

dana: oh

me: he texted me

dana: kaif y3rf your US phone number?

me: no stupid 3ala my saudi number

dana: msha'3elta?

me: umm yea

dana: ya allah 6ayb what did he say?

me: umm kaifk w have fun in L.A

dana: rdaite?

me: la2

dana: rde 6ayb

me: no

dana: why?

me: i don't want to

dana: ok 3ala raa7tk yalla change your clothes

me: ok

we changed our clothes and we were ready to go. lama i was watching the movie i decided to reply on salman's message and yea, i wasn't thinking.

i replied:

"hi la its ok. i'm good."

few minutes later he answered me...

CHAPTER 41

previously, 

i lost majed...

i couldn't believe my eyes, i actually told myself ymkn something happened to his phone. i sent a message asking him whats wrong and what happened to his phone? i was waiting for him the whole night, waiting for him but he didn't call or text or even re-invite me on his list. i sat on my room the whole night, haifa and dana they were watching some movies. i was standing next to the window lama dana came to my room,

dana: hey

me: …

dana: why you're sitting all alone?

me: i don't know

dana: we're going to watch A Walk To Remember your favorite movie

lama she said that i cried, i never cried in my whole life like this. i knew it, i knew he's not coming back because law he ran out of battery or something he would text me mn another phone but he didn't. dana was asking me what happened and why i was crying i couldn't talk or say anything, i was barely breathing. i didn't know what happened so dana decided to call him again from my phone and it was finally open bs he didn't pick up she called a hundred times but there was no answer. that just killed me the most.

she tried to calm me down and she start telling me everything will be ok lama i finally fell asleep crying.

she got up from my bed and went to my closet. she dialed his number…

majed: aloo

dana: aloo

majed: meen?

dana: dana 

majed: … 

dana: aish feek ma te7ke?

majed: …

dana: lina called you like a million times momken tgoole laish ma kent trd?

majed: …

dana: what? yalla talk?

majed: ana

dana: enta aish? enta 3malt laha delete without telling her? enta aish ma trd 3laiha? laish?

majed: …

dana: why you did that to her?

majed: 3ashan

dana: …

majed: umm

dana: aish majed? e7ke 

majed: i don't know

dana: 9aar shy between you two?

majed: la2

dana: then what?

majed: …

dana: majed! i never seen liin ketha what happened talk laish you deleted her? did you guys fight el yoom?

majed: no

dana: ok talk 3ashan afham

majed: i don't know what to say

dana: kaif you don't know? tell me the reason elle 5alak t3mel laha delete

majed: i can't 

dana: you can't?

majed: please dana tell her that i'm sorry 

dana: you're kidding?

majed: tell her that i wish her a happy life with whoever she loves

dana: she loves you *yelled*

majed: ...

dana: you are a coward

majed: i'm sorry

dana: you all just the same i thought you were different 3an your friend saud bs you all the same

majed: …

dana: 7aaywan wallah ma tes7te

majed: i love her wallah 

dana: law you love her ma t3mel ketha 

majed: i want her to be happy dana 

dana: she's happy with you! you didn't see her, she's a total mess

majed: take a good care of her w allah ywafegha ma3 elle t7bh

dana: god majed she loves you *she yelled at him again*

majed: dana promise me you you'll take care of her?

dana: you obvious don't care about her 

majed: dana

majed: you don't call her ever again you understand? bye

she hanged up the phone and came to set next to me. she was watching me while i was sleeping. i was tearing while sleeping, she couldn't handle watching me like that, throw a lot of things in one time. lama i woke i saw her lsa next to me. her face was red and i can tell she was tearing. 

dana: ha kaifk now? 

me: i can't breath

dana: its ok i'm with you

me: la tetrkeene dana 

dana: i would never do that

me: laish he deleted me? wallah ma 9aar shy 

I teared up.

dana: 5ala9 don't think about it

me: 7ata he didn't reply on my message

dana: he don't deserve you

me: i don't want anyone but him

dana: 5ala9 ertaa7e

me: t3abt dana i want to hear his voice

dana: liin i called him

me: he answered you?

dana: yea

me: laish ana ma yrd 3ly?

dana: i told you he don't deserve you 

i start crying more knowing that he answered dana w ana la2...

two weeks passed very slowly w i had to pack because we're going to america for the summer. w i didn't hear anything from majed w i didn't want to text him after calling him a million times without answering any of my calls. i didn't want to go anywhere but i have to, my whole family will go. 

haifa didn't know what happened between me and majed. she came to my room to help packing…

haifa: you packed everything you need?

me: i don't know

haifa: you need some help?

me: no

haifa: liin whats wrong? 

me: nothing *smiled*

haifa: i know you well so tell me whats wrong? you look different, you don't eat, you don't laugh, you don't go out with your friends, 3ashan el propose thing?

me: no

haifa: then what?

me: i don't want to go anywhere

haifa: you don't want to go?

me: yea i don't want

haifa: whats wrong wallah feek shy

me: what do you want now? you packed?

haifa: yea bs i came 3ashan i want some sandals 

me: ok take everything you need

haifa: ok

i just want her to drop the subject. she took everything she needs then she closed the door behind her. i sat on the edge of my bed thinking about majed, i wanted to call him but i was wondering why he did that? he told me he loves me w i'm his everything but what happened? why he left like that? without a reason. i sat there for a long hours just thinking lama dana and nouf came i didn't even feel anyone came. 

they called my name twice then i noticed them. nouf came and hugged me, i cried of course. 

she asked me what happened, like i know!

they bought a lot of junk food. dana wanted me to eat since i wasn't eating anything at all. we were sitting in my room eating chocolate ice cream with wip cream on top w i was pretending to eat. 

me: nouf

nouf: yea

me: majed yeje 3nd a5ook?

nouf: umm yea

me: …

nouf: i'll tell you something

dana: about majed? etha eewa don't talk about him 

me: ella whats wrong?

nouf: umm kent a7ke m3 da7oom w i asked him about majed

dana: you're kidding tes2ale a5ook?

nouf: ma sa2altah directly 

me: ok aish feeh?

nouf: he's going to usa

me: oh

nouf: ydres

me: …

dana: nouf 5ala9

i put down my ice cream w i got up smiling and telling them that i'm ok w there's no need for them to worry, but deep inside i was dying. i went to the bathroom and i cried silently w it hurts, it hurts to cry silently more than you cry in front of anyone. i stayed there lama dana came and asked me if everything ok. i told her everything is ok w i'll be out in a minute. i washed my face then i went back to them. 

dana: 6awalte

nouf: aish feek?

me: nothing

dana: akeed?

me: eewa 

nouf: 7naam 3ndk

dana: yea we decided that al7een

me: not tonight, lsa i didn't pack 

dana and nouf looked at each other.

nouf: we're going to sleep here, like it or not

dana: yea

they laughed w i was barely smiling. 

me: ok fine

the reason why i didn't want them to sleep at my house because i've been crying every night to sleep. i knew that i'll cry even when dana and nouf around bs i'll cry silently and it hurts, that's why i didn't want them here so i can cry and not feel more pain inside. 

the summer passed very slow. yes the summer passed very slow not just the summer, everyday of my life passed very slow without majed. we went to california that summer, we stayed mostly in malibu and every night i wear his cardigan and go set on the beach thinking of him. i couldn't take him out of my mind. we only stayed together for 10 months and i loved him like i was born to love him, to everything about him. he understands me, care about me, he makes me laugh when i don't want to and most important he makes me feel happy and special and he loves me, i know he loves me but i don't know what happened and why he left and every time i think of that i tear up.

i've waited everyday to hear something from majed but i didn't. 

i gave mama my final answer about faisal and she replied on them once i told her...